New Beginnings

Today is my husband's 41st birthday....and I'm the one bumming and depressed. I took the day off from work by calling in sick and, I decided that I need the day to get better--mentally. Not to say that Corey has to be depressed because he is another year older, but don't we all cringe as another birthday approaches? So not only do I go inward and depressed when my birthday rolls around in March, but also when his birthday rolls around 6 months later.

I've attempted to start a written diary too many times to count over the years, so perhaps having an online blog will be different and allow me the freedom to journal the things that keep me up at night and cause me to gain 25 pounds in the last 1 1/2 years and over 50 pounds in the last ten years.

This morning was a treat. I can't remember the last time where I got to watch the Today show, read the newspaper and enjoy an entire pot of coffee doing things I really enjoy. Drove the oldest daughter to school, did a bit of grocery shopping, started laundry and generally relaxed. One of the segments on the Today show was how fatigue can cause weight gain. I don't sleep well and gee, I've gained a boatload of weight.

How does one get motivated enough to make a difference with their eating and exercise habits AND stay at it long enough to see it all melt off? I fluctuate between not giving a rip to caring, but not enough to watch what I eat for more than a day or so. I'm at my all-time heaviest (other than being pregnant) and it really is noticeable. My size 18 pants are too tight, my chin has doubled, my face is puffy and my thighs rub. (OK my thighs have always rubbed!) but I'm really noticing it now when I walk. Like my diabetes, I have to take it a day at a time. Perhaps this blog will make me more accountable to my myself. It seems like nothing else has done the trick lately and I feel like I've really let myself go to hell.

So today is the first day of my crisis intervention. Time to measure myself, take stock and make changes. Stay posted!